I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
