one two three fourrrrnication!
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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