Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
