Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
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hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
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Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
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