Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
