Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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