I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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