im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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