doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize