I miss vodka workout Fridays
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
