Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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