Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
