Need sex. Gaining weight.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
