My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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