Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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