similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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