Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
