There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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