Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
we're making bets on your personal life
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I did not marry a roomba.
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