we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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