just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Randomize