Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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