your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
