it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
