This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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