So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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