i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
