Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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