saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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