apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
