this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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