I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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