oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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