went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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