so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
