I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
