you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Randomize
