you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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