I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
