the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
