We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
