His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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