Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
