I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
