last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
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