that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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