my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
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Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
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That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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