There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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