Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
