I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
