You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
