Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
