Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
