Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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