we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
