I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
