so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
