Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
