just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
