something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I need a beard to bite.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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