I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
