it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
