Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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