One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
