Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
