He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
