oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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