My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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