I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Less talking, more tequila
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
