Umm I'm too high to move.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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