I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
